Kitne Ajeeb....

Sometimes you wonder how weird it is being gay in a straight world...

Walking into the bus stand on friday afternoon, I was quiet uncertain about my decision to take the bus. The weekend before the New Year will definitely attract many to the bus stand. I tried to convince myself that I had no other options. I cannot fool myself. The monster in me needed just an excuse. The fact that there were more buses at this time was a perfect excuse.

Once inside the bus-stand, I realized that there was no reason to worry. At least 4 of the buses standing there were my route buses. I found a seat in the least crowded one. On one hand, I'm happy that I don't have to travel in a crowded bus. And, avoid those chance encounters... but on the other hand, I was disappointed for the same reason.

Recently, I had started disliking the idea of getting physically closer to a stranger. Even unintentionally.... in the crowd...

The reason in simple words: I don't have to try too hard to hide my erection if I happened to get one and then worry about someone spotting / feeling (unintentionally or otherwise) the bulge.

While I was busy weighing the situation, people started getting into the bus. A few minutes later, only a few seats were remaining. A young boy, girl and a woman who looked like their mother got into the bus. The woman and the girl sat in the seat before me and the guy sat behind me. While I was sure the boy and the girl were siblings by the way they called each other, I did not know how the woman was related to them. Obviously, I did not pay too much attention to their conversation. I assumed her to be their their mother. As the seat next to me was unoccupied, the girl asked her brother to come and sit next to me. I had no issues. The guy did look good!

It was all too normal until after 10 minutes when the bus was caught in traffic and a young man got into the bus. He was not very handsome and was just okay. As he walked towards the conductor I saw him looking at the people around me. He got the ticket and stood near the seat before me. There was plenty of space in the bus. He chose to stand right there... next to that woman.

I was lost in my world of thoughts when I suddenly noticed something fishy happening right before my eyes. The guy was standing too close to the woman. I started paying more attention. I can easily say that the woman pretended to sleep and allowed the guy to rub his thighs on her body. There were very few people standing in the bus. That did not stop the guy (in his early 20's) from trying to feel the body of the 35+ woman... Although I cannot say with certainty whether she really liked it or not, I can say for sure that she did nothing to stop the guy from feeling her... even something as simple as shifting her position in the seat to avoid the guy's thighs or crotch...

Well, I don't care what she had in mind... What concerns me was what was going on in my head. I had always thought of myself as a non-conservative. How can I be a conservative when I strongly support gay issues...?
But, sitting there watching this happen, I cannot help but feel uncomfortable... awkward... feel angry at what these people were doing.

When I see two hot guys standing next to each other, I let myself imagine them feeling each other... When I see two guys doing it, I feel happy for the guys... But, watching a man and a woman do the same makes me feel.... uncomfortable.

Now, thats weird...

For a gay living in a straight world, its discomforting to witness a heterosexual act....

How Strange!!!

The Revealing Grip

Handshake is perhaps the most universal form of greeting that every man is accustomed to. What exactly do you do when you shake hands? Hmmm..... letting the other person know that you are pleased to meet him??

But, if a group of evolutionary psychologist headed by Gordon Gallup of the University at Albany are to be believed, you are revealing a bit too much about yourself. Their findings link hand grip strength to aggressive behavior and sexual history. This works only for men. A firm handshake indicates more aggressive nature and more sexual partners. It may serve as a form of asserting one's dominance over others (which reflects health and fitness).

This idea of hand grip strength as an indicator of health and fitness is not something everybody in the scientific community agrees to. The skeptics think that ethnicity may have a more significant role here.

What I find interesting is that, I had always associated a loose hand grip to disinterest and aloofness. I was quite sure about that. I must admit, I was surprised to read this... especially the sexual history part of it!

hmmm.... Although I find it difficult to believe this, I might as well be one of those who validate this hypothesis. Analyzing the way I shake hands, I confess that it does reveal my 'soft' nature and, my rather passive sexual history.

Let me know what you think about this?

Doubts!!!

I saw those eyes again. This time, we were under a tree. I was too eager to meet him. It was him who wanted to meet me. I tried my best to suppress my imagination. I guess I was quite successful with that... (atleast until we started talking). Sitting there with him was quite a relief. I don’t know from what! Its probably because like his presence.

Talking to him for about half an hour was not what I enjoyed. It was the chance to look at his face that I relished. The same eyes... It was piercing me. He had his eyes bore deep into me as if it was trying to rip my mask off and explore my true Self!

Discussing some uninteresting things, we started walking to the canteen. I liked walking with him by my side. There we discussed some hardcore science. His eyes had changed rapidly. It was more of curiosity and attentiveness that I could see now.

Standing under a tree now, the topic drifted away from science to our relationship. It was not exactly what we were talking about. He did make a passing remark that brought me back to earth. "I don’t love you", or was it... "We are not lovers...", I do not remember the exact words. But, I did understand what those words meant. I tried to pretend as if that remark did not affect me. It hardly took me a second to recover.... That second was perhaps the longest second. My mind was riddled with thoughts, filled with questions, doubts... and disappointment!

It was not exactly shocking as I know quite well that he considered me as his friend and nothing more than that. It was shocking the way he said it. It was as if he had been wanting to tell me this someway or the other and that he had been waiting for the right time. My suspicion was probably a product of my imagination… But, I was ready to discard that thought very easily.

A few minutes later, we were walking back when he told me what he thinks of a best friend. His confession that he had no best friends was disheartening. What followed was more disturbing. His definition of a best friend was 'one with whom you can share everything... except sex of course!' Now This statement would have meant absolutely nothing to me. Given the state of my mind... I could not help but read between the lines.



Confusions apart, one thing is crystal clear. He is my friend. I want him to be my friend. His sexual orientation and his interests make no difference…

"Why don't you say, you love me?"

I was in the bus. This time not alone. Next to me was the guy of my dreams....

When I first saw him from the balcony of an unknown building, I was stunned by his beauty. After about 2 hours, I found myself chatting with him. When it was time to leave, we shook hands. I could feel very well, that it was more firm and affectionate than the more formal one at the beginning of our conversation that day.

This day was different. It was almost a year since our first meeting. He is no longer a good-looking stranger. He is a friend. I know more about him now. I know that he likes carnatic music, he likes pastries.... Perhaps, thats all I know about him. I have so many questions to ask him.... but don't have the courage to ask. Thats because it is our friendship that is at stake.

Friendship...... Thats how we call it. If what he said is to be believed, he finds some sort of intimacy with me that he doesn't feel with any boy in his class. Of course that was flattering, but did those words come from his heart? was he honest? While one part of my brain was busy condemning myself for suspecting him, the other part was trying to understand what goes on behind those unfathomable eyes...

There were many others in the bus. But, I could see just him.
The bus was not crowded enough. There was some distance between our bodies. That didn't bother me. It was the fact that I was spending time with him that mattered. I just wanted to talk. Just talk.... so that I can take all of his attention probably because I thought couldn't bear to see him getting distracted by any female passenger.

He got a seat. He offered me to share the little space with him. Accepting the offer would have meant feeling him completely. I denied. I didn't feel like it. Now, when I try to identify the reason for that denial, I realize that it was my fear. I was afraid that I will get to know his disinterest in me. I was not ready to face the heterosexual in him face to face.
A few minutes later, I decided to move away from him and sit at the back. There was space for just one. I couldn't bear to see him from a distance. Suddenly, those few feet seemed like a few miles. I asked him to come and sit with me. He didn't say no. Did he hesitate? If he did, it was only for a second or even less... When I tried to give him enough space, someone got up and we were able to sit more comfortably next to each other. It was the first time that I'm so close to him. Except for a few inches of air, nothing was there between us, our bodies. He had his left hand towards my back with his fingers touching my left shoulder, as if to indicate that I needed to get myself closer to him. Such thoughts continued to flow with full vigor in my mind while I heard myself speak some nonsense. hmmm..... It was not all nonsense. though that 'nonsense talk', I tried to make him feel special, not explicitly though. If he had tried to read between the lines, it would have been evident. I doubt he did that.

I saw him smile. I saw him smile more. and more...... Behind those smiles, behind those unfathomable eyes...... there was something in his mind that I could not reach out to. I realized that I was handicapped by the inability to read his mind. Sometimes, it was annoying. However, it made him more mysterious and more sexy.
It was impossible for me not to guess, what he had in his mind while those enchanting eyes were gazing my face with utmost sincerity. My guesses were too many. There was one that refused to disappear. So much so that I began identifying the sight of him with it. Its highly likely for that to be true. Imagination knows no logic.

When I saw him sitting so close to me, his face so close to me, I could hear the words, "Why don't you say you love me? ? ?"

Randy Orton!!!!!!!

Is there any guy in WWE who is sexier than orton????



hmmm....... Just couldn't resist........

What a pair?????