Sea, Stroll and 'Sight'!

Nothing is more enjoyable than a carefree stroll on the sand along the beach. Excusing myself from the crowd, I managed to steal myself some privacy and ended up sitting on the sands watching the calm sea. Although it was around noon, it was quite bearable. After spending some 30 minutes trying to figure out what to think, I decided to stroll along the beach. The stretch was deserted except for a few crabs busy feeding on something invisible.

The breeze and just the might of the ocean melts all your worries and gives you hope and reasons to be happy.

My second stroll of the day was in that late afternoon and people had started coming out of the shadow of the trees. It was not so 'private' as there were strangers between me and the sea. I found this interesting as well. This time, I don't have to think too much to decide what I wanted to think about.

There were a few groups of men taking bath. Most of them were no-so-good-looking. A few were. I did not want to watch them explicitly, and I was able to look at these guys only for a second or two...

What attracted my attention was a group where one guy was lying covered by sand all over him. One of the guys had made a cone over his crotch. Another guy walked over and sat on the cone... Laughing all the while. These guys did not look too good and it was not worth spending my time watching them.

A few hours later, I was at the other end of the beach. Apparently, it was time for the local guys to get drunk. We were about to start when we saw a few of these men walking around talking nonsense. They did not bother us except for their annoying presence.

These guys again were not that good. But, for one. He seemed to be in his senses. He was with a guy who was totally intoxicated. This guy was wearing briefs and it was just too revealing. I thought I could make out his bulge... Unfortunately, I could not catch more than a glimpse of this 'sight'.

What I enjoyed for a long time however was the guy who was with me. He was just another guy in the crowd I was in. The first day I saw him, I knew I will like him. (Those small lips and cute chin reminds me of someone I had crush for more than 2 years... ) He was the perfect example of a 'nattu kattai'. His Tamil is so macho and betrays his village/small town upbringing. It makes him more sexy. I loved being with him. He was enjoying himself in the ocean. The turbulent waves were fueling his energy. He had removed his shirt and his white vest was almost transparent. His broad chest and bulging biceps and those chest hairs peeping from underneath the fabric were making him even sexier. The sight of him playing with the water is unforgettable.

Wish I could see more of him!

From Classmate to Crush

It is definitely not a good idea to get attracted to your classmate. Unfortunately, its not easy. Especially when you have to spend a lot of time with him. And, when he has those hypnotizing eyes and charming smile. His wrist covered with drops of perspiration with tiredness in his breath and masculine aura around him, will only make it tougher to resist your temptations.

I did succumb to the temptation. I had been trying too hard to avoid distractions especially since I found myself working with him on a couple of assignments. All my attempts at picturing him as just another guy and as someone who does not fit into my fantasies, were not successful.

It is becoming impossible to stop my eyes from wandering all over his body.

It was a sultry Saturday afternoon. We had to wait for a couple of hours. He dozed off sitting on a chair. He was wearing blue jeans. I tried to wake him up before somebody spots him sleeping there. He was not too keen on staying awake. He was looking at my notebook that contained something I had wanted him to see. He was trying to figure out what is it that I found so interesting. While he was looking at the notebook, my eyes fell on his lap. Thats when I realized that he was not as lean as I thought he was. His thighs looked great. Involuntarily, my eyes moved ahead and stopped at his crotch. His tight jeans made it more attractive. Standing beside him, pretending to look at the notebook that he was peering into... was the best position. It did not last long. But, those few seconds were good enough to unlock all those carnal desires that I had suppressed in my mind for more than a year now.

From that day on, he has become the major source of distraction for me. It was not troubling until a few days back when I found myself getting upset just because he did not talk to me properly.

He was sitting next to me yesterday. His face was too close to mine. Every time I tried to look at the blackboard, I would see his face. With his slightly overgrown stubble complimenting his charming smile, he was too sexy yesterday. The proximity forced me to lose myself in the world of fantasies rather than concentrate on what I was expected to do in the class.

I don't want another crush...
Hmmm....... It seems that he has got himself into the list already!

Its not easy!

Walking along the pavement in the campus during lunch can be quite interesting. Your eyes get to see more than the usual numbers of 'hotties'. This is true... independant of your sexuality.

With my straight friend by my side, I was going towards the cafeteria when I found myself looking at a guy standing near his bike at the far end of the road. Within seconds I realized that my friend could easily spot me looking at this guy. What I didn't realize at the moment was that his eyes were busy scanning the other side of the road. While I was checking out the guy he was checking out girls.
What makes this interesting is that while I tried hard not to let him know what I was looking at, he showed no such inhibitions. This is a huge price that one has to pay to remain in the closet.

Sometimes, its tiring and frustrating to constantly hide your true feelings from those around you. More I get closer to my straight friends more I realize their openness about their sexuality. They have no problems admiring members of the opposite sex and letting others know about it. It is all the more irritating when I am expected to join
them.

It is tempting to get myself into the crowd by extending my pretentious act and try to convince them that 'I am like them'.

Living in a straight world is not all that easy!!!

Watching My Brother Nikhil...

This is not the first time I am watching My Brother Nikhil. And, this is not the first time I am feeling overwhelmed!



Spectacular performances, wonderful cast, perfectly etched characters, and profoundly touching story....... I don't know which of these makes me classify this movie as one of the best movies I had seen. Although I have this rather irritating habit of finding mistakes, I just couldn't get myself to do that with this movie. Thats probably because this is one of the very few main stream movies that deal with homosexuality and homosexual relationships.

Its not just my prejudice thats responsible for this interest I show in this movie. More important are the thoughts that fill up my mind. Those fears that it evokes in my heart.

The fear of getting rejected by your loved ones... The fear of being alone...

Although I do not identify myself with any of the characters, I did find how real they were... or rather how real they appeared to be... I can very easily understand what the protagonist was going through.

From a positive perspective, the movie was all about love. Its one of the very few movies that portrays love between a brother and a sister so beautifully. (Juhi chawla was marvelous.)

More beautiful was "love between men". There are so many films that revolves around boy-girl romance... This was way beyond these mediocre creations. It was a lovely portrayal of true love!!!

It was more than a year since I watched this movie and it was as fresh as it was when I saw that for the first time. Only difference was that I had my parents sitting with me this time...

Fortunately, (or unfortunately) they showed no interest. They were hardly aware of what or who the story was about. Resisting my temptation to share what I feel, I was trying my best to stop myself from deriving connections between the real me and the reel characters in the movie. It was not easy. Especially, when I am highly conscious of the fact that those closest to me, know very little about me. It was also difficult to stop myself from telling them why he was suffering and what he was going through on screen. In fact, I was waiting for a hint (even a slightest one) from them... But, they were waiting for me to switch off the TV!!! Its not that I blame them. After all, the movie was not in Tamil for them to easily understand...

I wonder how they would have reacted if they had known what the movie was all about... if they had known that those tender affection the two men shared in several scenes was more than just friendship...

I better stop imagining......

Kitne Ajeeb....

Sometimes you wonder how weird it is being gay in a straight world...

Walking into the bus stand on friday afternoon, I was quiet uncertain about my decision to take the bus. The weekend before the New Year will definitely attract many to the bus stand. I tried to convince myself that I had no other options. I cannot fool myself. The monster in me needed just an excuse. The fact that there were more buses at this time was a perfect excuse.

Once inside the bus-stand, I realized that there was no reason to worry. At least 4 of the buses standing there were my route buses. I found a seat in the least crowded one. On one hand, I'm happy that I don't have to travel in a crowded bus. And, avoid those chance encounters... but on the other hand, I was disappointed for the same reason.

Recently, I had started disliking the idea of getting physically closer to a stranger. Even unintentionally.... in the crowd...

The reason in simple words: I don't have to try too hard to hide my erection if I happened to get one and then worry about someone spotting / feeling (unintentionally or otherwise) the bulge.

While I was busy weighing the situation, people started getting into the bus. A few minutes later, only a few seats were remaining. A young boy, girl and a woman who looked like their mother got into the bus. The woman and the girl sat in the seat before me and the guy sat behind me. While I was sure the boy and the girl were siblings by the way they called each other, I did not know how the woman was related to them. Obviously, I did not pay too much attention to their conversation. I assumed her to be their their mother. As the seat next to me was unoccupied, the girl asked her brother to come and sit next to me. I had no issues. The guy did look good!

It was all too normal until after 10 minutes when the bus was caught in traffic and a young man got into the bus. He was not very handsome and was just okay. As he walked towards the conductor I saw him looking at the people around me. He got the ticket and stood near the seat before me. There was plenty of space in the bus. He chose to stand right there... next to that woman.

I was lost in my world of thoughts when I suddenly noticed something fishy happening right before my eyes. The guy was standing too close to the woman. I started paying more attention. I can easily say that the woman pretended to sleep and allowed the guy to rub his thighs on her body. There were very few people standing in the bus. That did not stop the guy (in his early 20's) from trying to feel the body of the 35+ woman... Although I cannot say with certainty whether she really liked it or not, I can say for sure that she did nothing to stop the guy from feeling her... even something as simple as shifting her position in the seat to avoid the guy's thighs or crotch...

Well, I don't care what she had in mind... What concerns me was what was going on in my head. I had always thought of myself as a non-conservative. How can I be a conservative when I strongly support gay issues...?
But, sitting there watching this happen, I cannot help but feel uncomfortable... awkward... feel angry at what these people were doing.

When I see two hot guys standing next to each other, I let myself imagine them feeling each other... When I see two guys doing it, I feel happy for the guys... But, watching a man and a woman do the same makes me feel.... uncomfortable.

Now, thats weird...

For a gay living in a straight world, its discomforting to witness a heterosexual act....

How Strange!!!