"Why don't you say, you love me?"

I was in the bus. This time not alone. Next to me was the guy of my dreams....

When I first saw him from the balcony of an unknown building, I was stunned by his beauty. After about 2 hours, I found myself chatting with him. When it was time to leave, we shook hands. I could feel very well, that it was more firm and affectionate than the more formal one at the beginning of our conversation that day.

This day was different. It was almost a year since our first meeting. He is no longer a good-looking stranger. He is a friend. I know more about him now. I know that he likes carnatic music, he likes pastries.... Perhaps, thats all I know about him. I have so many questions to ask him.... but don't have the courage to ask. Thats because it is our friendship that is at stake.

Friendship...... Thats how we call it. If what he said is to be believed, he finds some sort of intimacy with me that he doesn't feel with any boy in his class. Of course that was flattering, but did those words come from his heart? was he honest? While one part of my brain was busy condemning myself for suspecting him, the other part was trying to understand what goes on behind those unfathomable eyes...

There were many others in the bus. But, I could see just him.
The bus was not crowded enough. There was some distance between our bodies. That didn't bother me. It was the fact that I was spending time with him that mattered. I just wanted to talk. Just talk.... so that I can take all of his attention probably because I thought couldn't bear to see him getting distracted by any female passenger.

He got a seat. He offered me to share the little space with him. Accepting the offer would have meant feeling him completely. I denied. I didn't feel like it. Now, when I try to identify the reason for that denial, I realize that it was my fear. I was afraid that I will get to know his disinterest in me. I was not ready to face the heterosexual in him face to face.
A few minutes later, I decided to move away from him and sit at the back. There was space for just one. I couldn't bear to see him from a distance. Suddenly, those few feet seemed like a few miles. I asked him to come and sit with me. He didn't say no. Did he hesitate? If he did, it was only for a second or even less... When I tried to give him enough space, someone got up and we were able to sit more comfortably next to each other. It was the first time that I'm so close to him. Except for a few inches of air, nothing was there between us, our bodies. He had his left hand towards my back with his fingers touching my left shoulder, as if to indicate that I needed to get myself closer to him. Such thoughts continued to flow with full vigor in my mind while I heard myself speak some nonsense. hmmm..... It was not all nonsense. though that 'nonsense talk', I tried to make him feel special, not explicitly though. If he had tried to read between the lines, it would have been evident. I doubt he did that.

I saw him smile. I saw him smile more. and more...... Behind those smiles, behind those unfathomable eyes...... there was something in his mind that I could not reach out to. I realized that I was handicapped by the inability to read his mind. Sometimes, it was annoying. However, it made him more mysterious and more sexy.
It was impossible for me not to guess, what he had in his mind while those enchanting eyes were gazing my face with utmost sincerity. My guesses were too many. There was one that refused to disappear. So much so that I began identifying the sight of him with it. Its highly likely for that to be true. Imagination knows no logic.

When I saw him sitting so close to me, his face so close to me, I could hear the words, "Why don't you say you love me? ? ?"