Thursday

Before Strangeness Took Over...

Craig is probably the only one in the (real) world who knows me so well.

Thanks to the countless hours of conversations during those leisure walks along the avenues of the campus, he knows what my stand is on every issue in the world. He has also been the witness to the evolution of my thoughts in some of these issues. What was so stunning was my preparedness to open out to him.

Keeping all thoughts to myself for so many years and suffering from the resulting claustrophobia, I felt greatly relieved to have someone listen to me so sincerely. It was also reassuring to know that he respects my views even if it almost always contradicts his!

From premarital sex to energy conservation he knows what I think about everything. Although his opinions cannot be anything but conservative, he does not mind hearing the exact opposite from me. Even better he would try to see I make sense to him. However, in most cases, he would stick to his stand. I exercised this fast-becoming habit of sharing my thoughts about virtually everything under the sun, diligently with the excuse that it will help me assess myself better and give me a chance to look at the issue from a different perspective.

Until recently, there was just one topic that remained away from our conversation. It was perhaps the most sensitive and the most significant in my personal life. It was homosexuality.

There were two reasons for my reluctance.
One... He has his thoughts so strongly rooted in what people call 'culture' and 'tradition'.

Two... I was very unsure as to whether I can handle a topic as sensitive as homosexuality. I did encounter a situation where I messed up so badly that I was not ready to do it again.

My tendency to avoid confrontations that make me uncomfortable was so strong that I effectively kept the skeletons of my sexuality well-hidden in the closet ensuring that our conversations never get anywhere close to alternate sexuality. This had been the case until that last week. It was then that I was forced to face him with the issue. A weird event shattered the barriers I had set for keeping myself well-protected in the safe zone.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Why do you want me to go crazy thinking about what was that?!!

Please post the rest also!! Did u actually come out to him?!!

Unknown said...

Well, not really!
That should answer both of your questions... :-)

taz said...

i had a similar situation...but i did come out to this guy...can absolutely relate..

nice

Sizzler said...

despite what you've said in your blog about your brotherly "affectation", it's possible that you are well and truly in love with him. thus the eagerness to be accepted for who you *really* are.

come out to him. i promise you, you will be surprised by how understanding and grounded most people are. sexual issues rarely surprises people any more. it's only stuff in the papers that are written to tantalize the mind... real life is most dreary.

Anonymous said...

happened to cross paths and hence these few lines from me...
read every piece of your blog- well written and very interesting, but have to confess that your life is simple and sweet.that makes me think that if i were to blog, it would be pretty complex...

but then, let us talk about you...why this silence in 2010?

JK

Unknown said...

@Sizzler...
I do not think the affection I have for him is anything more than brotherly. At least, I intend to keep it that way. However, there are times when I had asked the same question to myself. In life and especially in human relationships there are no clear questions nor any definite answer.

Unknown said...

@JK
Thanks!

hmmm.... I will be the last person to believe that my life is simple and sweet.

Will be waiting to check out your blog. ;-)

Why silence???
I had been thinking of writing about it.... but I am just too lazy to do it.